6 Tips to Avoid Awkward Financial Discussions with Your Adult Kids

This article was originally published in 2015 and has been updated to reflect current resources as of February 2026.

Have you had the talk yet?  No, not “that talk”.  To mix a metaphor, the birds and the bees are already out of the barn at this point. 

The talk we're refering to here is about your financial plan. The next time your family gathers for a holiday or special occasion may be a good opportunity to start the conversation. Below are some practical tips you can use to get the conversation started.

1. Don’t Make It Awkward

Clear communication about your financial picture is an important part of a successful financial plan. It's likely that family members will be the recipients of your estate someday. They may even be called upon to help manage your finances should the need arise. It can be a little intimidating for someone thrust into that position without any prior knowledge.

Remember to stay calm and patient. After all, this involves money, family, and the future. All the makings of a soap opera. If it helps, have an outline or topic list prepared. For a more structured approach, you can download the free Beyond the Will Checklist which helps you organize details and includes sample conversation prompts to make getting started easier.

Family holidays and long weekends often bring everyone together in one place. While that time may include meals, traditions, and a little relaxation, it can also provide a natural opportunity to talk through important financial matters. After all, how many times can you rave about those sweet potatoes?

 2. Start With the Basics

A good place to start with family is to simply let them know that you have a plan and who is helping you. It is also a good idea to provide a list of key contacts. Explain each person’s role in helping you. Financial advisors often include family members in meetings and welcome their involvement when appropriate.

Here are some basics you may want to cover:

• Our Financial Planner and Investment Adviser is (Fiduciary Name). We work with (Advisor Name). We receive periodic updates on our portfolio and keep them apprised of changes in our lives.
• We updated our estate plan recently with the help of (Estate Planning Service Provider). Some of you play a role in our estate plan. Before you get too excited, we have also hired a food taster.
• Do you have any questions or concerns?
• Have you done any planning yourselves? Who are you working with?

There is a time and a place to delve into more specifics.  For an initial conversation, you may just want to stick to the basics to start the process. As time passes, you may find you will have more reliance on family members to help you with your finances. In general, the earlier the better for introducing key family members to your advisors. There are strict privacy rules that limit what can be communicated, even to family members. With some simple planning techniques, those hurdles can often be addressed in advance.

3. Outline Retirement Goals

Does your family understand what you hope to accomplish in retirement? Perhaps you want to travel the world; volunteer at your favorite charity; or simply spend more time with family and friends. 

Outlining your goals can lead to a discussion of your financial preparedness. For example, “This is what we plan to do and we have built it into our cash flow planning.” It might go a long way to alleviate any concern a child who may think Mom/Dad are spending too much.

This conversation also extends to long-term care planning needs. No one wants to spend time in a nursing care facility. These choices can be some of the most difficult to come to grips with as a family since it affects everyone. Start the conversation now, even if that reality may be years away.

4. Clarify Roles for Family

In putting together an estate plan, clients often name children to carry out key roles such as Trustee, Power of Attorney, and Health Care Power of Attorney. In situations where there are young kids, you name custodians who are responsible to raise the little buggers. It is critical people know and understand their roles before they are thrust into them unexpectedly.

Common roles that family will often fulfill in estate situations include the following:

• Executor: Person charged with administering your estate. Pick wisely.
• Power of Attorney – Financial: Grants someone authority to make financial transactions on your behalf.
• Power of Attorney – Health Care: Gives someone authority to make health care decisions if you are unable to do so.
• Custodian: If you have minor children, this person would help raise them if needed.

 5. Turn the Tables & Ask Your Kids

Communication is a two way street. Don’t forget to ask your adult children about their plans. A client recently asked how much money they should contribute to their grandchildren’s college fund. When we asked how much the parents had already saved, there was a need to find out more. The answer might impact how much they contribute, timing of the gift, and the form it will take.

You can’t expect the next generation to think about finances the same way you have during your life. The costs of college and raising kids in general have changed dramatically. Jobs and related benefits are less secure. What hasn’t changed, however, is the need for a plan. In fact, now more than ever, adult children need a plan since they are increasingly responsible for securing their own retirement. Encourage them to start sooner rather than later.  

6. Ask for Help

Talking about family finances is not easy. It is why most families avoid the topic altogether. It does not have to be uncomfortable. The value of sharing information far outweighs the potential risk caused by not communicating. Do not be intimidated by a perceived lack of knowledge about financial topics. You don’t have to be a Wall Street pro since this conversation is about you and your goals.

If you are not sure where to begin, you can download the free Beyond the Will Checklist as a helpful place to start. It provides a comprehensive guide to organizing details and even includes sample scripts you can use to guide the conversation.

One of your best resources is your current financial planner. If they are doing their jobs properly, they should be the most knowledgeable about your situation and be able to articulate the structure of your financial plan and answer questions. If you would like additional guidance, reach out to a qualified financial advisor at Carnegie for support.

Now that you are armed with a plan, good luck! You’ll do great!

For informational and educational purposes only; this is not intended to be legal advice Opinions are subject to change.

Carnegie Investment Counsel (“Carnegie”) is a registered investment adviser with the Securities and Exchange Commission. Registration as an investment adviser does not imply a certain level of skill or training. For a more detailed discussion about Carnegie’s investment advisory services and fees, please view our Form ADV and Form CRS by visiting: https://adviserinfo.sec.gov/firm/summary/150488.

You may also visit our website at: https://www.carnegieinvest.com